the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
