They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
