did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My dick has a subreddit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
