Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
