you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
