I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
