I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
