Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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