Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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