True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
