time to smoke my breakfast
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
