i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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