I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
