the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
