one two three fourrrrnication!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
