Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
