Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
