Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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