I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
