Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
