Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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