Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
