New invention idea: vibrating tampons
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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