The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
