I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this just has baby written all over it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
