He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
