everyone is single if you try hard enough
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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