That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well you can't waste a boner
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
