you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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