Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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