I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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