new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
