i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
