It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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