I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
