i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
