All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
