oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
