just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
