i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
