did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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