I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
