Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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