She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
