I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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