My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think i got beer on your cat.
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