We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
