Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
