I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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