chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
