...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
