I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
