Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
