this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
