I hope mine doesn't look like that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
