tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
