put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
