Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
